Some homespun wit and wisdom. Or, on a bad day, a slice of self-righteous
self-indulgence.
Unlikely to be updated for a while now that I've started one of those
blog thingies.
:: Rant No. 5 - It was thirty years ago today ...
:: Rant No. 4 - Top five disclaimers
:: Rant No. 3 - How's business?
:: Rant No. 2 - Where's my car, dude?
:: Rant No. 1 - Is today's popular music crap or what?
Rant No.5 - It was thirty years ago today ...
Led Zeppelin hit the top of the album charts. Pink Floyd release
Dark Side of the Moon for people with expensive stereos.
Brian Edwards to host Saturday night talk show. And last but not least,
Man About the House!
All these things have happened before, in a galaxy not so far away.
2003 or 1973? You be the judge. And my, aren't those policemen looking young these days ...
Rant No. 4 - Top five disclaimers
Listed in reverse order, for no particular reason. Any resemblance to
any other top five list is purely coincidental.
5. Actual item may differ from that pictured. (The sofa in the
brochure matches the decor in your living room. The real one in the shop won't)
4. May contain traces of nuts. (We use the same vat for all our chocolate
bars and never clean it)
3. Accessories not included. (No, the CD rack does not come with a free
home theatre system. D'oh!)
2. Some assembly required. (So be prepared to spend half your son's fifth
birthday swearing at the instructions)
1. Smoking kills. (Tell them it's bad for them and they'll buy it by the
boxful!)
Rant No. 3 - How's business?
Inject some much-needed levity into your working week with this pun-tastic word
game.
Here's how to play. One person comes up with a job title and the other asks "How's business?" then the first person comes up with an appropriately punning phrase. And so on and so forth.
Example:
Player 1: "I'm an elevator salesman"
Player 2: "How's business?"
Player 1: "Oh, it has its ups and downs"
Player 2: "I'm an astronomer"
Player 1: "How's business?"
Player 2: "Looking up"
Player 1: "I own a paper company"
Player 2: "How's business?"
Player 1: "We're about to fold"
Just the thing for breaking the ice at Friday night drinks.
Rant No. 2 - Where's my car, dude?
In between the latest from the war/crisis/conflict/reality TV show in Iraq this
week, comes news that Clayton Cosgrove's
"Boy Racer" legislation has been passed by Parliament. The Bill gives
Police the power to confiscate the souped-up Fords and Mazdas that are
terrorising inner-city apartment dwellers on Friday and Saturday nights.
I don't know if the law states what the Police plan to do with the cars, but here's a suggestion. Stick them on a Hercules and parachute them into Iraq!
With all those open spaces, all that oil and all those young Iraqi males with time on their hands, this could be just the thing to improve relations between "Coalition Forces" and the people they are supposedly liberating. Imagine the reaction when a plane load of Ford Escorts with bitchin' sound systems and stylee spoilers bounces into the middle of Basra. Within minutes, a flock of testosterone-filled youths will be popping open the bonnets and dropping donuts on those long desert roads.
No doubt the more petrol-headed of the British and US forces will need little encouragement to drop their arms and join in too. All those Essex Boys and New Jersey grease monkeys would have a field day showing the locals their stuff. And the noise? Well, it can't be any worse than an artillery bombardment or a low-flying B-52.
Better still, all that sand will mean the cars will be totally useless when they eventually get returned to their owners here in New Zealand.
Rant No. 1 - Is today's popular music crap or what?
A favourite topic for us grizzled old thirty and forty-somethings to mutter
about over a few quiet ones. And the answer is - yes, probably.
But the question really is, does anyone care anymore? When I was a teenager in the late seventies and early eighties, music was the dogs bollocks. Nothing seemed to be more important than queuing up to buy that limited edition Joy Division 12", or blasting out the seventh form common room with the Sex Pistols LP. And in the sixties, as countless movies and TV shows remind us, popular music defined a generation.
But these days? Music is just another commodity fighting for the youth dollar along with computer games, DVDs, cinema multiplexes, night clubs, mobile phones, broadband internet, the list goes on and on!
And those musical acts that do break through and grab the spotlight are generally the product of marketing rather than anything necessarily to do with talent or originality. What's more, today's music-buying market has a notoriously short attention span, and is quick to move onto the next thing. One year Britney Spears, the next year Avril Levigne. Yesterday David Gray, today Norah Jones (OK that might be a bit unfair, but you get the picture).
However, back catalogue is also a big player in the industry. CD compilations and heavy advertising campaigns allow superannuitants like the Bee Gees and (god help us) the Little River Band to compete for the top spot in the album charts with Eminem and Coldplay.
So maybe there is hope for the disposable artists of today, a couple of decades down the track!